fear and loathing in Vermont

I seriously hate myself today. I woke up late. None of my laundry was dry. I put on something that I realized, on the way out of the house, looked horrible...then realized that I'd worn it in two very public places in the past month, probably looking just as horrible. I went back in and changed clothes again to something equally as hideous but at least slightly less offensive. I was about 40 minutes late to work. Once at work, I spent most of the morning antagonizing someone on a message board who, granted, has been a dick to me in the past but who didn't really deserve my lashing out. It made me feel temporarily better but then I realized what an asshole I was being. I then proceeded to sit here and basically sulk and not get much work done for a few hours. I had a doctor's appointment at 2, which I went to. They checked my blood pressure and it was high. Then the doctor told me she wants me to come in and have blood drawn this week. She took my blood pressure again after that, and as you can imagine, it was even HIGHER (I don't do blood draws). So that was fun. Then I came back to work and have been watching the clock, just waiting for five to strike so I can run, not walk, out of here.

And what waits for me at home? A sink full of dishes that I've been avoiding for a lot longer than what's considered safe and sanitary, I'm sure. A dark, damp house full of clutter and shit. Unpaid bills. Possibly messages on the answering machine ABOUT unpaid bills. Vegetables, because apparently I can't eat anything else ever again. Knitting and my dog...those are good things...but they can only do so much for me. At least Mark's phone got fixed, so I can talk to him for more than 5 minutes tonight. That's a good thing.

I just plain hate today. I know, I know...it's a complete waste of energy. I hear you. I keep trying to tell myself that, but even the voice inside my head hates me today. I think the best thing I can do is just go home, get to bed early, and hope to hell tomorrow goes better.