One Girl Show

she's blogging...must be the cable is out...

2008-12-29T18:27:00.002-05:00

...or the Dish, anyway. A whole big load of wet heavy snow came sliding off the roof the other night and sheared my Dish right off the side of my house. I've been without TV ever since. Oh, the humanity!!

Actually, it hasn't been that bad. I have Season 3 of Lost that I've reacquainted myself with and become hopelessly addicted to again. There's knitting to be done. There are games to be played on the computer. Clearly, one CAN live without TV.

One just...doesn't really want to. I had a lot of stuff saved up on the DVR that I was really looking forward to watching, and a lot more stuff scheduled to record that now isn't being recorded. I hope I don't lose everything I had on there. That would really yank my angry-chain.

Know what else yanks the angry-chain? I started getting these mystery texts this morning on the way to work. Someone was trying to carry on a convo with me via text, but I had no clue who they were. It became evident as the day wore on that it was a teenager. Let's just say there were a lot of extraneous "LOLz" and bad grammar skills that tipped me off. Anyway, so I kept replying to this person, telling her (I didn't learn it was a her until later) that I was NOT who ever she thought I was. It stopped for a while, so I figured I was in the clear. Then out of the blue this evening, she starts hitting me again. "Oh come on, Kyle...it's Summer! You know me! LOLz!" That's how I figured out she was a she. I wrote back a very terse reply of "For the 14th time, I am not Kyle and I don't know who you are but if you text me again, I'm calling the police and telling them you're harassing me. Get it?"

It's been blisfully quiet ever since. I think she got it.

silent night

2008-12-19T22:07:00.002-05:00

"Silent night,
Holy night,
All is calm,
All is bright..."

Falling snow has a wonderful way of dampening out noise and putting me in a peaceful, contemplative mood. Standing out in the swirling, sparkling white, all the little things that have bothered me this week just seem to have dried up and blown off with the wind. I'm left with a cold white emptiness in my soul. Not loneliness, but silence. Peace.

A snowstorm like this and what it does for me spiritually seems fitting so close to Yule. The winter solstice is about rebirth and planning for the future. In most Wiccan traditions, some variation of a story is told of the Sun god being born again to begin to warm Mother Earth, bringing her out of the torpor of winter so that she can flourish once more. The peacefulness that I feel tonight after watching the snow fall around me and feeling the deep silence of the Earth welcoming her clean white blanket brings me hope for a happy and prosperous new year.

So, whether you're celebrating the solstice, Christmas, or Hannukah, I wish you health, happiness, and the opporunity to find your own moments of blessed silence and pure, unadulterated peace.

peeves

2008-12-15T16:54:00.003-05:00

Because I'm somewhat grumpy and have had a day full of eye-twitch-inducing moments, I feel like listing some pet peeves. If you don't like it, don't read it...problem solved.

- When I tell someone "Oh, that's alright" after they apologize for screwing something up, and they come back with "No, it's not. I need to do better!" Ok, well...beat yourself up about it, then. I'm not gonna lose any sleep over it.

- People who spend all kinds of time and energy constructing signatures for their work emails that have catchy corporate slogans, italic text, multiple colors of text and different font sizes...and yet have misspelled or misused words in them. No, I'm not always Captain Grammer, but when I send work emails I make sure they're at least spelled correctly.

- Close talkers. I like my space. I can hear you just fine from over here. I don't need you to be 2 inches from my face. It's not going to make your conversation seem any more witty.

- Having to bitch and whine and beg to get someone to do something they said they were going to do anyway. If you have no intention of doing it, don't say you're going to do it, and I won't ride you relentlessly about it for days on end.

- People who never grew out of bad middle-school habits, like "Will you tell so-and-so that I (fill in the blank)? I'm too shy / embarassed / angry / whatever to tell them myself." Are you fucking kidding me? You're middle-aged. If you can't tell another adult that you have a problem with whatever it is they're doing that bothers you, then obviously it doesn't bother you ALL that much.

- Fly-by farters. I'm sitting here minding my own business, working away, when there's a sudden stench all around me. This happens to be in conjunction with a certain person retreating out the door quickly. Oh, hai...you couldn't clench for just 10 seconds more to take two steps across the room and cut the cheese out THERE? Thanks for that. I'll just sit here and suffer in the wake of your ass-wind for the next 10 minutes until it finally dissipates. What the hell did you eat that makes you smell like that, by the way? You might want to get that checked before your sphincter rots out.

busy busy

2008-12-11T20:53:00.002-05:00

Work has been super busy lately. Tons going on...some exciting, some just annoying.

I've been knitting and knitting and knitting, every chance I get. I have Christmas knitting all over the place. I made a hat for Mark's step-dad, some mittens for his mom, a pair of socks for my mom and a pair of socks for my dad...and probably more that I'm forgetting. Plus, I have co-workers asking me to knit them stuff once Christmas is over!! I'm going to start charging for special orders if they keep up!

Which, speaking of knitting, I need to get back to it. Pictures coming soon, I promise!

shopping expedition

2008-12-05T16:41:00.003-05:00

I went to Concord to shop with my mom today. We called it Christmas shopping, but it was pretty one-sided. In my favor. Normally, my mom buys me gift certificates at the mall at a couple stores I like, and that's the bulk of my Christmas presents, which is totally fine with me. This year rather than give me the gift cards, we just went to the stores and I picked stuff out, tried it on and she bought it. I don't get to have it till Christmas, but two weeks isn't too long to wait for new clothes, really.

So that's basically what we did all day today. We tried on clothes. And more clothes. Aaaaand more clothes. I learned several valuable lessons during this shopping trip:

1. My mom is incapable of not flinching and cringing approximately every 45 seconds when we are on the interstate and I'm driving. It's not even that I'm a bad driver. I'm not. I've only ever had fender-benders, and those have all been when I was trying to park. My actual driving skills are much better than my parking skills. But anyway, my point is that my mom has this huge irrational fear of riding with me when we're on the interstate, and it gets old about...oh...30 minutes into the ride.

2. I went down not one pant size, but in fact two. Yee haw, bitches! I was pretty psyched about that.

3. Getting measured for bra sizing is the best thing ever. Ok, that sounded bad, but really it is. I tried on 4 different sizes of bras before I finally gave up and asked for help. Turns out that my band size went down and my cup size went up...at the same time. The funny part was, the sales lady swore up and down that I was probably "barely a C" before she measured me...and found out I was actually a DDD...hah! Apparently I was quite a bit smaller in the ribs than she was giving me credit for.

4. The ahi tuna chopped salad at The Outback is not as good as it sounds. I thought the seared ahi would be hot on top of the salad...but it was definitely not. I'm not a fan of cold fish, unless it's wrapped up in rice and nori, and even then it's iffy.

5. When my mom says she wants to stop at Dunkin Donuts for a coffee on the way home, what she really means is that she wants donuts. She'll forget all about the coffee once you get to the drive-thru speaker.

6. I still hate my legs and can't bring myself to buy and wear skirts, even though I really WANT to. I just...can't. My legs are a lot smaller than they used to be, but still. No. No can do on the skirts, unless they're full length...and then I look like some sort of weird amalgamation of hippy and goth and that's...well. It's just not a good idea.

7. Old Navy sizes run on the redonkulous side of small. We're talking...smiz-all. At least for their fat-girl clothes. They call something a 2X and it's skin-tight on me. Anywhere else, a 2x fits just fine. I dunno. Weird.

there's something missing...

2008-11-29T12:28:00.002-05:00

So, today is my family's Thanksgiving dinner. My parents had stuff going on Thursday and Friday, so we're having it today. I was informed on Monday that my contribution is supposed to be pie.

"Ok, pie. I can do pie," I thought.

True to form, I then spent the next three days pouring over every cookbook, recipe website, and magazine I could find, agonizing over what kind of pie to make. This is what I do. I make simple things much harder than they need to be. It's a God-given talent...what can I say?

Last night I finally caved and said "Fine! I'll just do a cherry pie and have it over with!", and that was that. This morning whilst grocery shopping with my mom, I pick up the pie crust, (I'm perfectly willing to invest the time and effort to make MANY things from scratch, because I believe it yields a superior product...but pie crust? No fucking way. Not worth it.), I pick up the cherry filling, I pick up the eggs I'll need for the egg-wash for the crust. I go blissfully about my shopping, and eventually come home to put my purchases away. I can't help but have this nagging feeling that I've forgotten something. I poke around the house a little, do some stuff, then decide to get the pie in the oven so it's ready in plenty of time for this evening. I get everything all assembled and ready to go on the counter, and then I realize exactly what I'm missing:

pie plate.

That's right. I don't have a friggin' PIE PLATE. I have muffin tins, I have cake pans, I have cookie sheets, I even have a god damned Bundt pan...but a pie plate? Nope. No dice. Nothing even remotely deep and round except my cake pans, and those have straight sides so I can't use those.

So now, my friends, I'm off to try and find foil pie plates. So annoying.

oh hai, hallo!

2008-11-22T21:51:00.002-05:00

Well, then. Apparently I haven't blogged in 3 months. How lame of me! And yet...it doesn't FEEL like it's been that long, honestly. I'm afraid to report that not a WHOLE lot has happened in 3 entire months. The key points have basically been:

- I started taking a tai chi class, and I love love love it. It's fun and challenging and interesting, and it makes me feel really good. It's something I can see myself doing for the rest of my life.

- Mark was here for a week at the end of October, which was great. We had a nice relaxed week, and managed to decide on a venue for the wedding. YAY! Now to pay for it...eep. ;)

- I finally had my gallbladder removed on Nov 6th. Surgery wasn't nearly as bad as I'd thought it would be. In fact, I was pretty impressed with my not-freaking-out-ishness over the whole thing. I feel much better without the gallbladder, and I just got cleared to go back to tai chi class yesterday. So, yay!

Other than that, I've just been working, knitting, and planning a wedding. Oh, and trying to eat well and exercise more, of course. I'm down 70lbs from what I was at my heaviest in January. I feel like a totally different person. I have loads more energy and I'm less depressed. I've still got a long way to go, but I've come this far and I'm not going back. One day at a time...I know I can do it!

Now that I have internets at home, I want to try and be better about blogging again, especially since it's so freaking cold and dark by the time I get home now...boo.

new toy

2008-08-24T19:57:00.002-04:00

Looky...new toy!

My aunt Colleen gave it to me. It came from her aunt, who we think used it a lot. I'm really excited to learn how to spin. I don't know how adept at it I'll be, but I'm willing to give it a shot.

In other news...there isn't really any other news. I've been basically laying low most of the weekend because every time I eat anything, the gallbladder kicks my ass. I can't NOT eat...so I have to just kind of suck it up. It's not excruciating, but it's enough to make me feel icky and blah and like not wanting to go out and do any more than I have to. So that's basically what I've been doing.

I didn't sleep very much at all last night...that's not helping, either. I went from anxiety-ridden about not feeling good to finally falling asleep and having awful dreams about fighting with Mark (which never happens in real life so it's all the more disturbing when I dream about it). I woke up to the phone ringing at 6:30...mom waking me up to go grocery shopping. I put the phone back down and proceeded to sit and bawl my eyes out for a good 10 minutes, still overwhelmed by the bad dreams and just generally being over-tired. Tonight is an in-bed-by-9 night, I do believe. Not that I think I'll need it, but I'm going to take a half dose of sleeping pill momentarily, just to ensure that I don't have another night like last night.

rock-a-bye

2008-08-21T22:26:00.003-04:00

I can't sleep lately. I'm tired...for sure. But I can't seem to fall asleep at night. I'm sure it's probably just a side effect of the Wellbutrin...I had trouble sleeping when I was on it before, too. I hate taking sleeping pills, though. They make me feel hung over the next day.

Work has been busy. We're headed into the busy season, and I need to make sure I stay on top of stuff as much as possible because Mark will be here Oct 23rd - 30th, and I want to be able to have that week off to spend with him.

Weight loss has been going well, though I have to admit that there's been a complete lack of exercise lately. I've just been eating a lot less. The gallstones have been acting up the past week or so, which means I can't really eat anything fatty anyway. That means: no cheese, no mayo, no full-fat dairy, no oil-based dressings or sauces, not a whole lot of meat other than skinless baked chicken. Also, I've discovered (the hard way) that pita chips, which I totally love, bother me even though they're baked, which really bummed me out. Basically all I can eat is the aforementioned chicken, vegetables (which I prefer raw anyway), fruit and fat-free yogurt. Sounds boring? That's because it is. Sigh.

finito

2008-08-17T20:44:00.003-04:00

Whew! It took me until just after midnight on Saturday night, but I finished the back-zip hoodie in time for the baby shower, which was this morning! Here is the final product:

Pattern: Fiber Trends Back Zip Hoodie
Yarn: Plymouth Encore in two greens
Needles: I used US 6's on the body because I didn't like the way it was coming out on 8's. Too loose! The pattern calls for going down 2 sizes for the shawl collar, so I used a US 4 circ. I went to do the sleeves and realized that I didn't have / couldn't find size 6 DPNs or a circ, so I had to use 7's. I think it came out fine, though. I just tried to keep the yarn tight so that it wouldn't be too floppy.

I didn't take a picture of the back zipper, but I did get it in there. I ended up just pinning the hell out of it and hand-basting it in, then hand-stitching over the basting. It wasn't so much hard as just a pain in the ass. The rest of the pattern was quiet clever though, and I'll most likely be making it again.

Also, big excitement - I got internet at home again! Woo! I've been having some sporadic problems with connectivity over the weekend - not sure if it's the DSL itself or the wireless. I don't know enough about either one to make a guess. I just know that it kept dropping me all afternoon / evening today and it was SUPER frustrating...but it appears to have resolved itself now. So...yay! And thank you to Alex for the laptop!

yay and stuff

2008-08-13T13:53:00.003-04:00

Things are going better today. I went back to the doctor this morning to have blood drawn. I had to wait a little while, but I found out later on that the LPN that I really like and trust had seen me waiting and told the other LPN on duty to let her take me, which was really nice of her. She's so funny and she keeps me so preoccupied with gossiping that I don't even realize what she's doing till it's over. I didn't even get dizzy this time! She also brought me juice and crackers and sat and chatted with me for a while to make sure I was ok to drive. She spoils me...it's worth waiting a little longer for her.

I had my blood pressure checked again while I was there, as it was running fairly high when I was in on Monday afternoon. It's amazing what using the correct size cuff will do. My BP was 124/82, which is not too shabby at all. When my LPN realized that the other lady had been using the wrong sized cuff right along, she was livid, and she made a point of telling the RN on duty that ALL the LPN's need to be reminded to use the right size cuff. So, that made me feel better, that things were actually well under control BP-wise when Monday I had been told maybe they weren't.

Been working on a Back-zip baby hoodie for my soon-to-be-born nephew, Oliver. Pictures forthcoming, of course. It's coming out really well so far, except I think I might need to rip the shawl collar part out and re-do it on bigger needles. The pattern said to go down 2 needle sizes for it, but it's looking a little constrictive. We'll see.

Also - got a laptop for home...w00t! Now I just have to get DSL hooked up so that I have no excuse for not blogging my little brain out from home. Yay!

fear and loathing in Vermont

2008-08-11T15:30:00.000-04:00

I seriously hate myself today. I woke up late. None of my laundry was dry. I put on something that I realized, on the way out of the house, looked horrible...then realized that I'd worn it in two very public places in the past month, probably looking just as horrible. I went back in and changed clothes again to something equally as hideous but at least slightly less offensive. I was about 40 minutes late to work. Once at work, I spent most of the morning antagonizing someone on a message board who, granted, has been a dick to me in the past but who didn't really deserve my lashing out. It made me feel temporarily better but then I realized what an asshole I was being. I then proceeded to sit here and basically sulk and not get much work done for a few hours. I had a doctor's appointment at 2, which I went to. They checked my blood pressure and it was high. Then the doctor told me she wants me to come in and have blood drawn this week. She took my blood pressure again after that, and as you can imagine, it was even HIGHER (I don't do blood draws). So that was fun. Then I came back to work and have been watching the clock, just waiting for five to strike so I can run, not walk, out of here.

And what waits for me at home? A sink full of dishes that I've been avoiding for a lot longer than what's considered safe and sanitary, I'm sure. A dark, damp house full of clutter and shit. Unpaid bills. Possibly messages on the answering machine ABOUT unpaid bills. Vegetables, because apparently I can't eat anything else ever again. Knitting and my dog...those are good things...but they can only do so much for me. At least Mark's phone got fixed, so I can talk to him for more than 5 minutes tonight. That's a good thing.

I just plain hate today. I know, I know...it's a complete waste of energy. I hear you. I keep trying to tell myself that, but even the voice inside my head hates me today. I think the best thing I can do is just go home, get to bed early, and hope to hell tomorrow goes better.

haunted by dreams

2008-08-08T14:53:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning with the strangest sensation: as if something warm had just been lifted from my shoulders, a cool void left by the reluctant break of an embrace.

We were younger. Ten years so, or maybe more. His smile shone brilliantly in the fleeting glimpses of his face. Dark hair. Tall. Laughter in his eyes. I played hard-to-get, but he knew it was a front. He made me smile so wide I thought my face would burst. I followed him when I could, and looked for him everywhere when I couldn't. It was so comfortable there. I belonged to him, absolutely entranced. Bewitched.

He was gone with the buzz of the alarm clock. In those first few moments before the world came into focus, I swore I could still feel him there. Who was he? Where did he come from? While beautiful, he wasn't someone I recognized from my past. Did my brain complete fabricate him, or was he a great love from a past (or future) life?

All I can do is grasp desperately at the smokey whisps of his memory...

...and be haunted by dreams...

what I did on the hottest Saturday ever

2008-06-08T19:20:00.002-04:00

I got the brilliant idea to take this:

Remove all of this:

and, after 3 grueling (for everyone), hot, sweaty hours, end up with this:

He has an appointment to go to the groomer - they'll fix up his feet and his face because he won't let me do much with them - but it's not until July 2nd, and there was no way I could let him go shaggy with it being 90 degrees and jungle-humid here, and me with no A/C! So, I dropped $25 on a new set of clippers, we set up my mom's grooming table on the front porch, and went to town! We had both more than had our fill by the end of things, but he was such a little trooper and it came out way better that I had figured it would. Sharp blades make a world of difference! You can't really tell from the picture, but he's down to a very tight buzz-cut now. We're talking like...Marines style. He's much more comfortable, and it was well worth the time and money to get him there! Also, I'm figuring I lost at least 8 lbs in sweat alone...hah!

a wake up call

2008-06-05T15:03:00.000-04:00

I went for an ultrasound on Monday. The main reason was to peer into my annoying-ass gall bladder and see what was going on. Turns out there's two good-sized stones in there. My PA seemed to think they weren't blocking anything and would probably be fine, but she wants me to meet with a surgeon just to make sure. That's all well and good...I can do that. So long as the threat of surgery is not imminent, I can deal.

What took me aback when talking to the PA this morning was the fact that she said you can see in the ultrasound where there are fatty deposits in my liver. That, as you may or may not know, isn't a great thing. The more fatty your liver gets, the more it gets scarred and messed up until you end up with cirrohsis or cancer or any number of other not so fun things. The GOOD news is, it's reversible. I can still turn this train around. I have to be diligent with my diet and I MUST start being more active. Not half-assed more active...I mean, REALLY more active.

I think this was just the kick in the pants I needed. If you've been following Maggie's and my posts on Two Fat Friends, you know that I've probably not been putting as much dedication into the weight loss thing as I could be...but I'm galvanized, now. No more excuses. No more screwing around. I want to live a long, happy life, and not be sick for it. I can do so much better than I've been doing, and now is the time. If I don't do it now, it's going to be too late, and I refuse to let that happen.

a me-me...for you!

2008-05-30T13:50:00.002-04:00

Jenn the Ready-To-Pop Production Maven tagged me, so I shall oblidge!

The rules: Post these at the beginning. At the end of the post, the player then tags 6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blog and leaves a comment, letting them know they've been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Let the person who tagged you know when you've posted your answer. Play nice, children.

1. What was I doing 10 years ago? Ten years ago this month, I was worrying about whether I was going to graduate from high school, believe it or not. I had screwed off for...oh...the last 3 years, basically...and I was several credits short as of mid-year my senior year. I had to make up an English class after school 3 days a week AND pull an independant study out of my ass (I taught poetry-writing to 6th graders. Total stroke of genius on my part...easiest thing ever!) to make up the credits I needed. Even then, it was literally down to the wire as to whether I would pass Spanish (which I loved, but never did the homework in) and be able to march with my class. I made it in the end...but this time 10 years ago, I was NOT a happy bunny...*laughs*

2. What are 5 things on my to-do list today? Well, one was a doctor's appointment, which I have already been to. It was basically a big fat waste of time, but that's another rant entirely. Also, I have to do some work at some point, I guess. I need to walk the dog when I get home. What am I up to? Three. Hmm. Ok, I wanted to exercise today, and I did that this morning, so that counts. At some point I also need to wash some dishes. There. That was hard.

3. Snacks I enjoy: I love whole wheat crackers (the new All-Bran ones are my current obsession), plain popcorn, nuts, yogurt, pretzels, Cheetos (although I don't have them often...just say no!), and I love cookies of all makes and models, unfortunately...hah!

4. Places I've lived: Fairlee, VT, Thetford, VT, Johnson, VT, Norwich, VT, andddddd...that's actually it, if you can believe it!

5. Things I would do if I were a billionaire: travel, travel, travel. Pay off all my parents' and Mark's parents' bills and buy them nice houses. Buy my Nana something fabulous, although I'm not sure what. Go back to college. Set up a foundation to fund music education in public schools. Help fundraise for local humane socities. Hire a bunch of people to try and figure out how to save the world. Possibly run for President so that I could clean out all the fucking crooks in there now. Have a farm and facility for wildlife rehabilitation.

6. Peeps I want to know more about:

Vermontgirl
Bapple

I can't think of anyone else with a blog right now. It's Friday afternoon...gimme a break! :)

while you wait...

2008-05-21T10:39:00.003-04:00

Hey! While you wait for me to come up with something semi-interesting to post here (it's coming, I promise...things have been hectic lately), why don't you surf on over to my other blog that I just started with my best friend, Maggie: Two Fat Friends . We're attempting to chronicle our weightloss efforts and help motivate each other. We could also both do with whatever outside motivation we can get, I'm sure...;)

blog fodder

2008-04-29T13:03:00.002-04:00

I lifted this from Chaotic Crafter's blog...:) I'm not really in the frame of mind to write a coherent post lately...so you get blog fodder.

1. How old will you be in 3 years?31

2. Do you think you'll be married by then?Yesh!

3. What do you look forward to most in the next 2 months?Mark visiting in July! It's ALMOST 2 months...cut me some slack.

4. Who was the last person you called?myself...I called home to check my messages. There weren't any.

5. Have you ever played a team sport?Yep...played basketball in middle school, even though I usually satthe bench. Also played baseball all through elementary school andmiddle school. Didn't play sports in high school because I was prettysure I wasn't good enough and I wasn't interested in everyone knowingjust how not good I was. I now wish I'd have played softball...but,meh.

6. Who was the last person to text you?no one texts me. I don't have a cell phone! :)

7. Who was the last person you hugged?My Nana on her birthday.

8. What were you doing at midnight last night?probably sleeping, since I don't remember it.

9. Parents separated/divorced/married?still married, through some miracle of the universe....lol They're notalways happy, but they're together, DAMN IT! ;)

10. Last time you saw your dad?yesterday. I drove by and he was working in the yard...I tossed himthe devil horns.

11. What happened at 9:00 a.m. today?work stuff. I was only semi-concious at that point so I can't give youspecifics.

12. How many states have you visited?VT, NH, ME, MA, NY, KY, PA (airport only, but still counts), FL(airport), TX (airport)...I think that's it. That's...9? Sweet!

13. If you could be anywhere right now, where would it be?At home, watching a movie with Mark and Buttons.

14. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?bare feet. I get grumpy if I have to wear shoes for too long.

15. Are you a social person?social with people I know and like...anti anti anti with people Idon't know. New people skeer me.

16. What was the last thing you drank?water. Lots of it. I'm about due for some more.

17. Favorite ice cream?never met an ice cream I didn't like, honestly. I'm a huge fan of justplain old-skool ice cream sandwiches. Mmm!

18. What is your favorite dessert?I love love tiramisu. Or any type of chocolate cake. The darker anddenser, the better.

19. Whats your favorite color?I'm drawn to anything bright and saturated...and I also love grey. Nota huge fan of teal, though.

20. What Jelly do you put on your PBJ?raspberry is best.

21. Do you like coffee?I don't like it...I LOVE it! And...I need it.

22. How many glasses of water a day do you drink on average? I try to get in 2 liters, minimum. Ideally I should be doing 3...butthat's a lot of trips to the bathroom and I can't always make myselfdo it. Drink, that is...not get to the bathroom.

23. What do you drink in the morning?20 oz coffee with milk, then water water water all day long.

24. Would you rather kiss someone with or without a tongue ring?never kissed anyone with one, but I don't think I'd like it.

25. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?left if you're standing at the end of the bed. Always have...not surewhy. And I always wake up curled on my right side, right on the veryedge of the bed.

26. Do you know how to play poker?I know texas hold 'em but I have NO talent for it.

27. Whats so good about Fridays?payday, last day of having to work before 2 days off, that's about it...

28. Any plans to visit the green monkeys on GoofyAuctions.com?none whatsoever...

29. Do you eat out or at home more often?home.

30. How big is your TV?I have no clue...27", maybe? It's not big, but it's not tiny.

31. Ever stolen a street sign?not street signs, technically. campaign signs, yes. lawn ornaments, yes.

32. Do you keep a piggy bank?I did until I busted it a few weeks ago, trying to get the plug out ofit. Stupid pig.

34. Have you ever been in an ambulance?thankfully, no.

35. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?pool for swimming in, ocean for looking at / being at / wading in.

36. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seat?Window when there's stuff to see. Aisle if it's just going to be oceanthe whole time.

38. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?yarn, good food, alcohol, pretty things, stuff for Mark

39. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7?engagement ring on my left hand, silver band on my right hand, my "S"necklace.

40. Do you speak any other language?Spanish

41. Can you roll your tongue?yes.

42. Who is the funniest person you know?My mom and dad both can be pretty funny when they want to be.

43. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?no. I used to have a Cookie Monster that played music that I sleptwith from when I was a baby until it literally fell to pieces when Iwas like 12 or 13. That was a sad, sad day...*sniff*

44. What is the main ring tone on your phone?don't have a cell phone. My house phone just rings...like a normalphone. Wouldn't it be cool if they made landline phones you couldprogram with ring tones, though?! ROCK!

45. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?No. I have my blankie, still...that's it.

46. What is the color of your bedroom wall?wood colored. My whole house is barn boards.

47. Do you shut off the water when you brush your teeth?Yes...although I never even thought about that until just now!

48. Are you crushing on someone right now?No...I have a fiance...I think I can finally be out of crush mode for good...

49. Do you currently hate someone?Nah. Life's too short.

50. Why do you take surveys?Because sometimes I'm JUST THAT BORED.

drama, drama, everywhere!

2008-04-09T12:45:00.001-04:00

What is it about the last few weeks?! Have you noticed that everything has been like drama-central lately?! Or is it just me and all the people in my general vicinity? It's amazing. There are people in bad relationships having guns waved at them, people going VERY MUCH bonkers in front of little kids, unfortunate examples of the "what goes around comes around" principle catching up to people, people who can't just say NO to other people and end up getting dragged through all kinds of mud because of it, computer systems breaking / not functioning correctly and sending everyone into a tizzy, and of course, the clincher:

I haven't been able to knit hardly at all lately because my shoulder / arm on my left side is all screwed up. Of course, given my issues and my propensity to think that I'm about to drop dead of something (anything?!) at any given moment, I took the left arm pain & weakness to be obvious signs of a heart attack. I mean, of course it would be! Because I'm 28 years old and mostly pretty healthy, aside from being too fat. So I went to the doctor yesterday, she poked me all over, told me it's all muscular, and is sending me to physical therapy. Crisis averted, as usual. The up-side is that while I didn't get any fun prescriptions like Flexaril or anything, she said there's a good chance the physical therapist will prescribe some massage sessions. Woo hoo! Insurance-covered massage! Well, my not being in any danger of croaking is good too, I guess.

Add to all these scenarios the fact that the MDC (Mouse Death Count - for those new to my blog: I live in an old barn and have a seasonal issue of being over-run with mice. I can't figure out where they get in, so the humane traps unfortunately don't do me any good. I have to use snap traps, and it breaks my heart. Seriously.) is up to 7 just this week alone...and yeah. It's been a long week already, and it's only Wednesday!

lies

2008-04-02T13:43:00.001-04:00

I'm supposed to be able to get a free credit report / see my score for free online from the "big 3" - TransUnion, Experian, and Equifax, once a year. It's a law. So how come they all want my credit card information in order to give me this "free" information? And why do I then have to watch my bank account like a hawk for months to make sure I don't keep getting charged for "credit monitoring" services from the site I have to go through to get the "free" reports to begin with? I've got one that charges me $9.99 a month for this service. I have called them, I have emailed them, I have asked the bank to deny the charges...but they just keep hitting my card. It's not like it's a service that doesn't exist...I can get on their website, log in, and see credit alerts and whatever...but my point is that I never asked for it and I don't want it, and they won't let me cancel. It's frigging annoying.

You know what else annoys me? The weather. 60 degrees yesterday. Howling tundra winds of icy pain today. This has been the longest winter ever and I am SO ready for it to be over.

I opened a savings account last week. I'm having $25 per paycheck dumped into it automatically. My hope is that I'll forget about it. It's an online account (INGdirect.com) with a really good interest rate. I'd highly recommend this bank if you're interested in setting up a savings account. It was quick and super-easy in addition to having the great interest rate. If I was more in tune with my finances, I'd have my whole checking account balance transferred into the account to make the interest off it, and just transfer money out for payments as necessary. That's not something I can currently handle, though.

I haven't been knitting much lately, mostly because a friend of mine got me hooked on Lost. She lent me the first 2 seasons on DVD and I can't stop watching it. It's insane. I love it and I can't stand to be without it. I never thought a TV show would do this to me...but it has. Also, on the knitting front, I've basically had to re-learn everything because it was pointed out to me that I was doing everything ass-backwards. That's been fun...not. My way was actually mostly fine...just sometimes my decreases came out looking different than everyone else's. But...since I eventually want to be able to knit lace, I suppose it's best to re-learn things the right way now.

The weather and general goings-on at both jobs have kind of got me grumpy / fed up this week. A lack of proper sleep hasn't been helping, either. I have mice in my house and I've been trying to be humane and catch the mice in little hav-a-heart type traps so I can release them far away from home. Trouble is, the mice get in the traps shortly after I go to bed, and then spend all night scuffing and bumping around in them, trying to get out...and I can hear it because my house isn't very big. It's either a) get up in the middle of the night, get dressed, hike across a field in the snow and cold and release a mouse, or b) wait till morning and do it when I'm walking the dog. I vote for B...hence the noise of the mouse keeping me up all fricking night long. I'm going to enact a new plan this weekend, though. I'm going to get a little plastic box and put some shavings in it. Then, when the mouse gets into the trap at stupid-o-clock at night, I'll just go downstairs, empty the mouse from the trap into the plastic mouse holding-pen, and go back to bed. No noise, no dead mice, and no hiking across the field in the middle of the night. Everybody wins!

funny

2008-03-28T16:58:00.001-04:00

It's funny how our brain compartmentalizes things. Past traumas, even random junk we don't necessarily "need" anymore. That stuff doesn't actually go away...it just sort of gets compressed and stuffed away somewhere...and sometimes an event, a thought, something will trigger the memory of said past stuff and it will all come flooding back.

I don't consider myself a very good writer, at least in a blogging sense. I can write well when I'm telling stories from my imagination, but not so much with putting actual events down in a compelling, interesting, or even entertaining way. I was reading through some old posts this afternoon, mostly for lack of anything better to do, and I came upon the post I wrote the afternoon that my mom had a stroke. Except...at the time, I didn't know that's what was going on. I only knew that no one was telling me anything. The post I wrote that day, to anyone else, is probably just another pile of rambling rubbish and grammatical atrocities...but to me, it was a snapshot. It instantly ripped me back to that afternoon almost 2 years ago.

I didn't even actual realize as I read it that it was nearly 2 years to the day since it had happened. It seems like it was eons ago, now...and yet, to read that post, it was all I could do not to freak right out again. I was back there at my old job, waiting for a phone call. I was in the hospital room, watching the specialist do an ultrasound on the arteries in the back of mom's neck. I was standing in the hallway next to the bed where my mom was getting sick in a spare bedpan, waiting to have the nurse wheel her in to the MRI. I was crouched next to a payphone in the waiting room in the ED, trying to keep it together when I heard Mark's voice answering the phone, and not entirely succeeding. I was going home with my dad that first night and seeing him just sit, dazed and exhausted on the couch with a dog on each knee, for once not able to tell me that everything was going to be alright.

These are things I hadn't thought about in months. Even when my mom was in the hospital this past summer (which, honestly, was actually more traumatic...for everyone), none of the past experiences of those terrible few days ever really bubbled up at the time. I think I just had it all so nicely and neatly folded and put away somewhere safe that it never even registered with me until I read that post this afternoon.

Sorry to have been away so long, and I also apologize for starting the weekend with what could well be a "downer" for some. I hope to be back soon with something a little lighter.

finish line

2008-01-31T12:41:00.000-05:00

Well...I finished my monsterous Clapotis last night. Pictures of the final product are coming...but let me just say...it's enormous. The pattern calls for worsted weight yarn, and that's what I knit it in. I kept thinking as I was knitting along that it was going to be quite a head-swallowing scarf, but I was too far in and had gone through too much trouble securing more of the yarn I picked to back out at that point. When I finished it, I shook it out and wrapped it around my neck. No way. I have what I think are average-to-wide shoulders and a normal-length neck, and the thing seriously wanted to swallow my whole head. It looks absolutely lovely worn as a shawl / stole, though...so all is definitely not lost. I definitely enjoyed the pattern, even though it was starting to seem really endless about 3/4 of the way through. I want to try another one eventually in a fingering-weight yarn...I think it would make the width and weight of the finished product much more scarf-like. I think even sport-weight would really make it too huge for scarfiness...but that's just me. Anyway...the Gedifra Fashion Trend Stripe yarn (wool / acrylic blend) is very soft and cuddly, and the self-striping looks fantastic. There were no knots in any of the balls I had, and it's pretty easy on the hands to knit with. The only thing that I didn't like is that it didn't have a whole lot of twist to it, so when I went to unravel a ladder from a purposely-dropped stitch, it tended to get kind of tangled up in itself and was fussy to un-do. The softness of the finished product is worth the extra work though, I think.

Also - I now feel it's safe to post pictures of the SSP (Super Secret Project). As you will recall, this is a scarf that Mark asked me to make for his friend Neil to commemorate the last match of a card game that they play (Raw Deal - it's a CCG, if that means anything to you).

I went through a big process with designing the One Last Match logo. I tried it 4-5 different ways before I hit on the final product, which I really like a lot.

The other logo, I did free-hand from a T-shirt that Mark had with the logo printed on it. It's Neil's logo from his website, so don't worry...I shouldn't get sued.

I charted both logos out by hand on graph paper because I couldn't find a free version of charting software that I could be arsed to figure out...*laughs* Plus, I like scribbling and sketching things out...it shows the evolution of how something comes to be. The scarf is knit out of black Lion Brand Wool-Ease and white Vanna's Choice. I HATE VANNA'S CHOICE!! It's the most plasticy-feeling excuse for a yarn I've ever used and I'll never use it again. Sorry, Vanna. Maybe it works better for you than it did for me.

Also, is this technically intarsia? I didn't break the yarn...I just followed the chart forward on the knit rows and backwards on the purl ones (that wasn't exactly what I'd call fun...but what can ya do, right?), and when each logo was done I weaved in the ends. The back of the piece was a little messy. I neatened it up as best I could, but if I had it to do over again I'd design it so that the ends doubled back and covered up the back sides of the color work parts.

tundra rage

2008-01-23T12:03:00.001-05:00

Look, I know everyone else is probably as sick of the cold as I am...I get that. But I'm going to bitch about it anyway, because I can. I am SO over this not-getting-above-20-degrees shit. Honestly. I think it wouldn't be so bad if we hadn't had that really warm period back a couple weeks ago. It was downright spring-ish there for a few days, and man I was LOVING it. Now we're back to howling wind, leaving the faucets running at night so the pipes don't freeze, and living bag-of-pellets to bag-of-pellets. And the end is nowhere in SIGHT! Ugh! Stick a fork in me.

Aside from hunching next to the stove and complaining bitterly, I've been knitting a lot. I finished the Special Secret Project that is going into the mail today. I can't post any pictures up until after Feb 2nd, as that's when it will be given to the recipient (lucky, lucky chap that he is). I tried something new on it, though. I had been reading on Wendy's blog about blocking knitted pieces with a steam iron. Specifically, she had been saying she did it on color work and it worked really well to get out all the lumps and bumps. My SSP was sort of lumpy and bumpy, so I gave it a whirl. I filled up the iron with water, put it on the lowest-temperature steaming setting it had, and I went to town. At first, I was just hovering the iron over the piece and hitting the steam button repeatedly. That worked ok...but then I decided to try just lightly running the iron on the actual piece...and WHA-BAM! Perfectly perfect perfection! I was really happy with the result. The piece had been curling in on itself a lot and would have required some pretty aggressive wet-blocking to correct that...but the iron was way quicker, easier, and actually fun! Where as crawling around on hands and knees pinning stuff down on the floor is not so fun to me, personally. So...yes. I will be trying the steam / iron blocking again the next time it's applicable.

With the SSP being done, I've gone back to plugging away at Clapotis. I don't think I mentioned it on here, but I found a lovely chick on Ravelry who had a bunch of the exact color of Gedifra stripe that I needed. I have way too much now, actually...but that's just fine. I'll figure out something to do with the rest. Possibly a baby sweater and hat set...for new babies that are on the way to various sets of new parents that I'm friends with...:)

That brings me to the other secret I was talking about last time. My dear bestest one in the whole world, Becky, is preggers. I'm completely overjoyed, myself...but then again I'm not the one feeling like tossing my cookies every morning, either. Hah! She and her husband are actually really excited, too. They had been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant for a while. Once they stopped trying with that in mind...well...there you go! Funny how that works, sometimes. Anyway, I'm super excited to have someone so close to me be pregnant, because pregnant women fascinate me. A lot more than actual babies interest me, to be honest. I don't know what that's about...but oh well. I'm super excited to be an auntie!

hey, remember me?!

2008-01-18T15:51:00.000-05:00

Sorry for my extended absence. I've been super busy at work and the whole dark-cold-tundra-all-the-time thing hasn't been doing wonders for my disposition, either. I'm back now, though! With extra added...ummm...knitting! Because that's what I do.

I have the Clapotis still going, and a lacy scarf in a pretty sock yarn I found...but I've been preoccupied the last couple weeks with the SUPER SECRET PROJECT (heretofore known as the SSP) that I'm working on for one of Mark's and my mates. I'm 99% sure he wouldn't come visit my blog anyway, but just to cover that niggling 1% doubt, I'm not going to post details or pictures of the SSP until it's been given to him. Suffice it to say that it has gone through several iterations and I've finally found a design I'm happy with. It is a custom-designed-by-me thing...and trust me, that's not nearly as awe-inspiring as it sounds. I'm happy with it, though...and I hope he will be, too.

Also...happy news on the Stash Enhancement front: I won some yarn from Wendy! I am the eager recipient of a skein of Wollmeise laceweight in "Pfefferminz Prinz", which, if you click through to Wendy's blog and scroll down a bit, you'll see is a gorgeous peacocky greeny-bluey bit of lovliness that I can't wait to do something with. Any suggestions as to what I should try?

Finally, I have one other bit of secrety goodness...but I won't say any more about it until it has been confirmed. Right now, it's just happy being a secret.

you remind me who I am

2007-11-20T16:24:00.000-05:00

Six years ago today, I got an email. I didn't realize it at the time, but that email would change my life. It was an email from a man that has since made me laugh, made me cry, soothed the hurts that life inevitably inflicts, made me look at things from different perspectives, and taught me more about living than I ever imagined possible. He has been patient with me when The Crazy has taken over, and also The Knitting and The Acquisition of Yarn. He's encouraged me when I've felt completely out of my league, he has calmed me down when I've been ready to act rashly (hi, pretty much all the time!), and he has gently brought me down a peg or three when I've needed it. I feel a deep peace when I'm with him. When he's by my side, all is right with the world...or, if not right, then at least surmountable. We can talk for hours about nothing, or say nothing for hours. He doesn't mind that I get lost all the time when driving, and I don't mind that he constantly switches the radio stations when he's the passenger. Well, as long as he stops when I say that I like the song that's on...*grins*

There are a thousand and one ways that he and I complete and complement each other. He is not my opposite but very truly my other half, whether he's 3000 miles away or right here giving me one of his big bear hugs. I thank the stars and all the spirits in the heavens for him every single day. I have adored this man and stood by him through better and through worse, and I will happily continue to do so for as long as he'll have me.

Happy Anniversary, Mark. I love you...plain and simple.